If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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