Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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