ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
