alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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