please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
