Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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