We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
