I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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