mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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