made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
