took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck