I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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