how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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