she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize