I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
