hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
