Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
