Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
