Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
