i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
