discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
