either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
