You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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