So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found puke in my bra..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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