You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
