Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
