I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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