the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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