So drunk its hurt
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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