8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
