It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ttyl tear gas
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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