Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
