he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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