So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We need to get me chipped asap
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
