I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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