He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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