My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
