i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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