I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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