At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
