i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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