I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
