Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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