worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
