I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
