They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
