I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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