I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
