At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
