Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
