oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
