Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
