why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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