im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
