so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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