I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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