just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
