i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
