i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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