Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
