i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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