U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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