I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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