You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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